Bachelor and a Bottle; 5th Glass

Peter Finally Makes His Mind Up On Alayah 

I will just jump straight into this one. Regardless of how you feel, how much would it suck to be Alayah right now? You get your heart broken once, and now twice. Alayah has to hear rejection from Peter two times and on the second go around gets absolutely trashed by the other women. I love how the women are so upset and talk about how Peter is disrespectful holding hands…as he is walking her to a car to go home. This may be the worst season of the Bachelor I have ever seen. Being the Bachelor fanatic I have been since day 1 of Colton’s season, I can’t think of any worse.

Peter Faces Criticism

The women of the house finally get their turn to speak with Peter about his actions. At first it seems like Peter will get roasted by each of the women of the mansion. But then again, the women just act like stupid bass. Peter grabs a spinner bait and tosses it out. Every now and then he gets no bites, (women don’t trust him). But Peter knows what to do, he just grabs a different bait, and uses it in a different manner. (talks his way out of it) Next thing you know these dumb bass start jumping at the bait and fall for it. The real ones are just sitting in the back (bottom of the waters) and waiting for what they really want. That stink bait, that real stuff, that stuff that you cant mimic. Who will the catfish be this season? Peter don’t want any bass, he wants catfish. (shoutout former Coastal Carolina football coach David Bennett)

Costa Rica “The Land Down Under”

Peter getting hurt on the first day in Costa Rica gets stitches. The Puma story is the stupidest story I have ever heard. How could you possibly even believe that for a second. Also if you haven’t hit your head on a golf cart you are lying. It hurts like a bitch. Good for Sydney to get some alone time with Peter. I can just imagine all of the dirt she is going to stir up since she just snitches on everyone.

Sydney’s Segment

Something about Sydney just throws me off. The more I see her the more I think she was hoping Mike would have been the Bachelor. My bet is she won’t make it to the end this season and meets up with Mike on BIP. Also, when did Peter get a finger tattoo? I haven’t noticed that until now. Each year it feels like the women have the same story. It is a horrible thing to have to go through this. Each woman on the show besides Kelley talks about how hard it is to open up to someone. Yet every single one just talks about everything within a week of “knowing” Peter. Also, I doubt she was being teased and hiding in the bathroom crying in high school as she was winning beauty pageants. Sydney wondering where they could possibly be going while wearing a swimsuit. Also the editing team did a horrible job adding to Sydney’s thong bikini. It just looked so strange and was moving on its own.

Group Date

This is going to be such a fun date…for Peter. Hannah Ann got so pumped when she saw all of the cameras. These type of dates are such an unfair disadvantage for the rest of the women. Victoria F doing what she knows best haha Kelsey just getting pissed off is also kind of funny. Tammy had the best reaction of them all when she saw them kissing. Tammy is a jewel and need more of her. What do you know, Victoria F wins and they have a huge make out session in front of everyone else. Kelsey goes down as the first to tell Peter the L word. She does a great job hiding her crazy when around Peter.

Tammy Time!

Tammy telling Peter about Kelsey being psycho just brings me ptsd about champagne. Tammy also needs to mind her own, you have time to spend with Peter and you go and use that time just to talk about someone else. Kelsey handled that well, expressed her feelings and moved forward from it. It would be a shame if she gets mad about it and confronts everyone and starts more drama…a real shame…truly…*do it sith lord gif inserted editor please! And boom goes the dynamite. Absolutely love how Kelsey plays the victim when people don’t take her side. Bold strategy and just butting heads with everyone who does not agree with her.

Kelly the Attorney

First things first, Kelly does not fit in The Bachelor. Kelly is too normal, she has her life figured out which is a nightmare for producers. This date looks like a sacrifice is about to happen. Imagine the publicity if Peter just kills Kelly for good fortune to find his wife…imagine. This has to be the worst date for Kelly. These candles are totally fucking her over and right off the bat nothing is going the right way. Everything about Peter and Kelly just seems off. Kelly is a great one, but she just isn’t willing to throw herself at Peter which just won’t work for her in the long run. These shows move too fast, and Kelly operates methodically and precisely. This feels like right girl at the wrong time. But then again when it looks like Peter is going to send her home, she gets the rose. There is no doubt in my mind they hooked up at that hotel before the show, you can’t convince me otherwise.

Kelsey and Peter 1 on 1

Why don’t more of the women just walk over to Peter’s place? He was just right there waiting to talk to people. Kelsey vs Tammy is the rivalry this show needs. Kelsey also had not, from our knowledge, talked to everyone and apologized. As shitty as that is you have to respect the game-play. I don’t blame her though. Who the hell wants to live in Iowa, she’s just begging for a plane ticket to anywhere. I just hope she walks into the house with the rose and shoves it into everyone else’s face.

*editor please insert surprised pikachu meme! The look on the women’s faces are HILARIOUS. You know she rehearsed her speech the entire walk up and realized how stupid she looked. Reminded me of the little twerp who tried to seize Shrek’s swamp with a notice from Lord Farquad after all of his “army” left. *editor please tag scene from movie Shrek.

Cocktail Hour C*** Block

Peter with yet another all time move. Just going straight into the rose ceremony because Kelsey just fucked all of the women over. Mykenna pounding the wine is such a move!!!!! Kelsey is now public enemy number 1 in the house and not a single woman will even talk to her, this is awesome. I needed some spice, it was getting boring, and damn it The Bachelor delivers once again. Kelsey is so good at hiding her crazy. With the women she has been over the top emotional and honestly crazy, yet with Peter she is calm and collective while playing the victim on her way to rose after rose. Also Sydney ratted on Alayah and was so proud about it, until someone points it out.

Rose Ceremony

A rose ceremony without a cocktail party is not as fun. The side drama was good but I need the girls stealing time. Poor Peter walking in smiling all happy, yeah Tammy is going to mess all that up for you right about now. All of this just points towards how he has his mind made up on his top 3, right? I mean with all of the drama going down Hannah Ann and Madison just sat up top watching from a distance. Death, Taxes, Mykenna crying at a rose ceremony. In the end the more proactive women move on while the ones sitting in the bleachers go home. Until next time, which is Wednesday. Also watching Peter’s incident is hilarious.

Editor’s Note: Catfish Carl’s weekly bachelor articles are loosely edited as we have given him creative freedom to down a bottle (or two) of wine and type away. These are live typed out articles in which he lays out exactly what is happening in real time. Do they all make sense? No. Is it funny? Yes.

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